Cold & Flu

I don't like
Colds and flu
there's no cure
fourteen days
with antibiotics
two weeks without
apparently the choice is mine.

How's it Hanging

Damn you Isaac Newton
inventor of gravity
I've purchased a body toner
plugged it in
used Solar lamps
but I'm still over forty
in the mirror.

I was just beginning to enjoy
my zit-free life
when hugs
became an activity
where hands no longer meet
yours is the invention
that highlights
the 'rump' in my frump.

A pox upon your
invisible force
that leaves great globs
of overhang
my belt strains at the notch
as I drape myself
over the bonnet
trying to be trendy
with an iPod
hanging from my waist.

Maybe I could hire
a multi-gym
and join the
'Very fit when I die club'
heart attack and sweat
in a final duet
to place me
under a jade granite slab.

The vile stench
of healthy food
makes me feel queer
so I'll veto the fig
the wholemeal bread,
health evangelists
get on my wick
I know what I enjoy
being a Tyke,
my jaded enthusiasm
for eating properly
has had a chance
and failed.

I'll have to accept that
we can't undo
what Mr Newton has invented
so I'll stay safe
in my fort
built on the wair
of my heritage
I will not allow anyone
whether personal trainer
or house maid
to taint my life
this bull will not chase the red rag of conformity.

Encounter with an old Lady

Greek
pristine white linen
black lace shawl
sad opalescent eyes
cloud the view to the soul

You’re not German are you?
They came from Germany
bad men
memories are not faded

Machines blasting
through my village
bang bang bang
automatic weapons
massacre massacre massacre

They took my brothers
my parents
to a secret place
tied their hands
bang bang bang

Now I have no family

Older Women

I love to engage
with older women
turned fifty
they understand needs
which is quite alluring.

Generally when you take them out
they know what you both want
a few swift drinks
then back to your place
for a really good time
saving the nursing home
for when they are old.

Transcendental Medication

The only time
I felt more vulnerable
was while
skinny dipping
with jellyfish.

Open mouthed
exposed
frightened
my fate
in your hands.

Drilling down
you find the bottom of my wallet
strike a nerve
like a finger
caught in a sewing machine.

Snotty

Sunday and I'm snotty
swine flu
hope not
had a max strength hot lemon cold cure
doesn't do what it says on the tin.

The Visit

So
here I am
with my skinny mocca-latte
protected by my bubble of eccentricity
staring out at another world.
Aliens pass in their pinstripes
carrying life support in laptop bags.

Looking only forward
they are on self-seeking missions.
My jeans and baggy T shirt
make me invisible
I slip easily under their radar.

On this planet
communication must be telepathic
the locals don’t speak to me
or each other.

With refuelling nearing completion
I brace myself
ready to leave the comfort of Starbucks
to breathe the choking fumes
of planet London.

First Post of a new blog

Well here we are, its my second or third attempt to do some blogging, maybe this time I'll keep post some regular updates.